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09 October 2014 @ 07:06 pm
10.1 Timestamp Triple-drabble Thingy  
Two posts in one day? I must be bored. *cough cough cough* amberdreams, by way of kalliel, mentioned something about writing a little fic for each episode. Gonna give that a go, and hopefully I'll do more than, oh, one. Starting now.

Title: 'The Worst is Not Knowing'
Characters: Sam
Wordcount: 311
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers for 10.1, language.
Summary: Do 300 words need a summary? The summary would be longer than the fic!





Sam cut off the call and pressed the phone to his forehead, the sharp ringing of Cas’ coughs lodged like corks in his brain. Cas was dying, actively dying. Even though the lot of them seemed to die every third Sunday, it was never happy and it was never commonplace. Deaths were like snowflakes, each one so alarmingly unique and fragile and special. Shit, look at Dean’s latest death (or not–death; God only knew and He wasn’t telling.) Sam felt like he’d had his eyes propped open for three straight days now. One last glance at weather patterns in Wichita, and he slowly closed the laptop.

The bunker was smothered quiet, except for the scraping of a chair and Sam’s footsteps as he plodded to the sink. He swiped water across his face with his off-hand. His right shoulder was still stiff and aching like a mofo, and there was audible clicking, felt as much as heard, when the joint rolled. The face in the mirror had shadows puddled under the eyes and no amount of water would wash the smudges away. No amount of justification or shared guilt would make this right, in any lifetime.

Eight ounces of whiskey, however, was just the right amount to file down the edges.

One foot in front of the other, Winchester. Eyes straight ahead. Do not pass Go, do not collect one red cent.

Sam palmed a bottle of Johnny Walker on his way out, turned off the lights, and got quietly buzzed enough to stare at the ceiling until dawn, according to the clock on the nightstand. Sleep gave way to dreams; dreams gave way to a curdle in the pit of his stomach that Sam chose to read as loss, because it felt empty and bottomless. But that was a lie.

Sam knew, in some voiceless way, it was terror.

 
 
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: 'Change' - Churchill
 
 
 
borgmama1of5borgmama1of5 on October 9th, 2014 11:18 pm (UTC)
Eight ounces of whiskey, however, was just the right amount to file down the edges.

Oh, Sam...
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:34 pm (UTC)
It seems to be the Winchester way to cope, eh?
Lady Moon-Loona-cyjennytork on October 9th, 2014 11:33 pm (UTC)
That was beautifully done. Rarely has a gut-punch felt so raw and so powerful.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:34 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank ya!
steeplechaserssteeplechasers on October 9th, 2014 11:59 pm (UTC)
ohh, the atmosphere. lovely, my darling.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:34 pm (UTC)
:D :D :D
tifachingtifaching on October 10th, 2014 12:15 am (UTC)
Ouch. A perfect coda. Not knowing had to be terrifying. I'm sure it's still underlying the rage he's feeling right now.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:36 pm (UTC)
My thinking exactly. Sam knows, in his heart of hearts, Crowley is behind it all and THAT is never, ever good. Rage is just a panacea Sam is using to help him cope. Beneath that, I have no doubt, is the deepest of fears.
Karenfanspired on October 10th, 2014 12:35 am (UTC)
goosebumps on my shoulders
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:37 pm (UTC)
*rubs said shoulders!*
CJreggie11 on October 10th, 2014 05:31 am (UTC)
I could almost physically feel the weight of grief, pain, and exhaustion bearing down on Sam through this. Well done.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks, bb!
freya922freya922 on October 10th, 2014 09:58 am (UTC)
Ooooo. Love that last line! Packed a punch.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:37 pm (UTC)
:D Thank ya!
cassiopeia7: Sam&Dean: thinky thoughtscassiopeia7 on October 10th, 2014 10:20 am (UTC)
Oh, my God, poor Sam. You've painted a wonderful (if depressing) picture of interim-Sam, with his uncertainty the drinking, the utter silence of a Bunker without Dean. Not knowing what happened to Dean is the absolute worst, and you captured Sam's emotions beautifully. Brava, lady!
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks, chiquita! I'm gonna love seeing what they do in these next three episodes, with Dean's wicked ways and Sam, barely hanging on...

H/C, anyone? :D
madebyme_xmadebyme_x on October 10th, 2014 10:21 am (UTC)
This packed a punch! You really got into Sam's head here, exposing all of these dark fears that he's trying to push and drink away.

I loved the isolated and closed-off atmosphere you created here too. You really expanded on what Show gave us, taking it to a darker level, which I'm hoping we'll see play out as the season continues.

Thanks for sharing :)
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:41 pm (UTC)
I can rock the atmosphere; now, if only I could squeeze some plot outta it! ;)
Amberamberdreams on October 10th, 2014 10:34 am (UTC)
A perfect look inside Sam's head - all that emptiness, teetering on the edge of despair.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:42 pm (UTC)
Something about Sam in despair makes me love him all the more. Siiiiiigh!
thursdaysistersthursdaysisters on October 10th, 2014 05:44 pm (UTC)
EE HEE HEE that last little insight, it never occurred to me that Sam might be scared of his brother (and Sam never even met Cain, so he *really* doesn't know the Mark's potential) .
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:43 pm (UTC)
Exactly! Sam has said multiple times that Dean is the better hunter; now that those talents aren't being used for good? Oh. Mah. Gawd. Becky.
(no subject) - thursdaysisters on October 12th, 2014 04:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - quickreaver on October 12th, 2014 06:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on October 12th, 2014 11:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - quickreaver on October 12th, 2014 03:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
monet: broodinggrean on October 10th, 2014 06:31 pm (UTC)
I really felt for Sam in this ep. I have to watch again to get more of the nuances but he didn't know what happened to Dean. Where to even start. He did guess and was right that Crowley was behind it. I am hoping Sam gets to deal at least half of the retribution that will inevitably rain down on Crowley.
This little fic is so powerful, it managed to capture that space in time we saw so little of in the ep. Sam adrift as he searches for his brother. The unnatural quiet of the bunker. How much life and liveliness Dean fills a space with. That is missing now.
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:47 pm (UTC)
I am hoping Sam gets to deal at least half of the retribution that will inevitably rain down on Crowley.

THIS, times a googolplex. And this, too:

The unnatural quiet of the bunker. How much life and liveliness Dean fills a space with.

One of my very favorite things about Dean is his energy, how he fills a room. That magnetism. Man, I miss it.

Thanks for the super-lovely comment! (It's almost longer than the fic! Hee!)

There's a scientific explanation for that: Pretty b&w Samhugemind on October 10th, 2014 10:34 pm (UTC)
You made the bunker feel so empty. It mirrors desperate!Sam perfectly, and OMG, SAMMY. D:
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:47 pm (UTC)
Woot, thanks! :D
frozen_delight: puppy facefrozen_delight on October 11th, 2014 09:02 am (UTC)
Oh poor, poor Sammy!
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 11th, 2014 06:48 pm (UTC)
I know, the baby! How can such a tall man seem so...pitiable? I loves it.
Kallielkalliel on October 13th, 2014 01:14 pm (UTC)
This is so gorgeous, bb. <333 I love the sentiment /subversion of that last set of lines a lot a lot. And the idea of deaths as snowflakes, the fantastic imagery that is "like corks in this brain." So well done. Thank you for this!

I HOPE TO SEE ROUGHLY 22 MORE. ;D
The indefatigable Mrs. Griffinquickreaver on October 13th, 2014 01:50 pm (UTC)
\0/!!

I think I can tackle 22 more. *koff* I'm actually pretty psyched for this season! I'm just gonna love the parts I love, and LA LA LA through the parts that strike me as iffy.

Or write rebuttal fic. TAKE THAT, CARVER. FANFIC FOREVER.